UNINVITED- Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely
That tag line of this book is something that I’ve been struggling with for quite a while now. I’ve been purposely avoiding help with it, but I’m finally ready to accept God’s grace and ask Him to help me fix it. So I’m gonna do a post once or twice a week on what I’m getting from the book and how I plan to put in all into practice. These posts will be raw and right where I’m at. They won’t be masked with any “my life is perfect” lines. They will be real. So grab a cup of coffee and join me.
Travel back in time with me to my Freshman and Sophomore year of high-school. I grew up going to a private Christian school. By grew up, I mean my brother who is 7 years older than me started Pre-K there and so I was a part of that place before I was even born. I knew everyone, everyone knew me, and most people liked me. I had quite a few friends and I loved the faculty and staff. But during my Freshman year I had my first adventure with chronic illness. I missed a lot of school and wasn’t as outgoing when I did go to school. Rumors started flying through the student body, everything from I was faking it to that I was pregnant. I thought that maybe it would help if I tried to explain to one of my long time friends what exactly was going on with my body. But I realized part way through that conversation that my ‘friend’ didn’t care. I was no longer welcome to be a part of the group that I had been a part of for years. Ouch.
That was my first taste of rejection.
Fast forward a few years to making new friends after our move to Arkansas. It was clear pretty early on that I wasn’t quite acceptable to the group of teenagers at the church we were attending. Still wounded from the rejection a year or so ago, I desperately wanted to belong again. It was a group of no more than 10 teenagers so I was sure that with a little work I’d be making friends in no time. That wasn’t the case. I was putting myself out there and being friendly, but whether it was the way I looked or just the fact I was new, I was seen as a threat. One of the girls was convinced I was trying to “steal her guy” which was actually kinda funny. The winner though was the time I was asking for prayer from the group because I was going to be having my second surgery. Apparently I was much too smiley as I was mentioning it because the leader, the ‘youth pastor’, said “Why are you so happy about it? It must not be too important if you’re sitting there smiling.” It was that moment that I realized that I didn’t need to be accepted by these people.
Those rumors and those unkind words have followed me through every relationship that I have made since. I start believing that what those people have said are true. That I must be just faking it, that I’m impossible to be friends with, that I’m hard to get to know and hard to get along with. Those things whisper in my ear when I’m trying to make new friends or when I feel myself start to get close to someone. Lysa pretty much sums it all up in this quote.
“Rejection steals that best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me. (about me)”
Because of that rejection, I go into each new relationship thinking that everyone sees me like that people who have rejected me. I begin to think that those mean things people have said are true. So instead of going into these new relationships with confidence, I go in shielded and afraid. I go in expecting to be heartbroken. Because of that, the person never actually gets to know me. They only know a shielded version of myself. I sit afraid to be myself unless I’ve tested the person. If they fail my test, I run away shielding myself from another blow. I turn inward convinced that I’m the one with the problem and that I’m worthless.
But I’m not. God doesn’t see me like that. The rejection isn’t who I am. I’m a beloved and cherished child of God. I’m precious, I’m valuable, I’m held, I’m His. My identity can’t be wrapped up in the past hurts and the present hurts. My identity must be placed in the constant unwavering love of Christ.
When I feel myself start to believe the lies I tell myself I try to remember this short prayer she shares in the book,
“God, I want Your truth to be the loudest voice in my life. Correct me, comfort me, come close still. And I will trust. God, You are good at being God.”
His Words have got to be the loudest and most influential because His Words are true.
Until Next Time,
To the book’s website: http://uninvitedbook.com/