Today My Body Wins

*Sigh* I hate days like this. Days that scream at me things like “You’re not normal” “You’re useless” “Why did you bother getting married” “You just cost money and cause problems.” “No one really loves you and those who do, will eventually quit.” Days like today are days when my body wins and when my mind battles all of those lies.

I honestly don’t understand how anyone deals with me the way that I am. My poor husband comes home for a relaxing lunch and is greeted by his crying wife who hasn’t accomplished anything. How long will it be until he gets tired of it. How long will it be until he starts to wonder why he signed up for this. How long will it be until he walks away.

The reality is that I’m not getting better. The reality is that I will probably be like this and worse for the rest of my life. This is everyday. This is real life.

So I take every hour as it comes and I try to remember that I’m loved and that God has a reason for making me like this. I don’t know what it is, and I probably won’t ever know, but I just have to hold on to Him, ask for His grace, and put one foot in front of the other.

Till next time,

Mrs. Jaycox

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One thought on “Today My Body Wins

  1. I can totally relate to this. It’s never easy but you’re right: God has a reason and a plan for everything, even if we do not understand his ways. The only hope we have is in God and if your husband is God fearing, he will love you with the fear of the Lord. We all need help and your husband is there to help you and you have so much to offer as well. It’s a day at a time and don’t beat yourself up. Thank you for sharing such an honest post and I pray that God continues to bless your marriage. Congrats.

    Like

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