Do I Measure Up?

Do you ever feel like you just don’t measure up? Like, no matter what you do, it just doesn’t feel like enough. It seems like someone somewhere is doing more, being more organized, being healthier, loving their spouse better, or just plain being superwoman.

This is definitely something that I think a lot people, (especially women) have a hard time with. I don’t want to sounds sexist here, but women are constantly being told that we have to work 40 hours a week, keep a spotless home, keep our family well fed and happy, take kids to and from school events, be available emotionally, and do everything that a man can do, all the while, looking like a supermodel. I’ve noticed in the last almost month of being married that I can’t do all of that. It is just physically not possible.

The first week we were back from our honeymoon I tried to be superwoman. But by the end of the week I was so worn out emotionally and physically, that my poor husband thought that I was going crazy. I would cry at the drop of a hat, get pouty over nothing, and never smile or carry on a conversation. I wasn’t meant to do everything on my own. I have a teammate now. There is someone to help with the dishes. There is someone to take out the trash and sweep the floor. There is someone to cry with and to share my fears and dreams with. I’m not alone anymore.

Accepting the fact that I can’t do everything brings around another problem.

Inadequacy.

Since I can’t do everything, I might as well be worthless. The devil begins whispering his lies to me that say things like, “You aren’t good enough to be married.” “You don’t deserve such a great husband.” “You really aren’t doing your best.” “Maybe your illnesses are all in your head.” You’re lazy and good for nothing.” “No one really likes you.” Once I start believing those lies, life instantly becomes really hard. Even the things that I accomplish begin to be overshadowed  with the feelings of inadequacy. I begin to feel like my husband is complementing me out of pity and that he doesn’t really feel like I’m a good wife.

What all of this boils down to his contentment. If I can’t accomplish everything, I’m longing for something else, something more, something that I don’t have. What I forget is that what really matters here on earth isn’t the things that I can do and accomplish. What matters is the lives that I impact and the relationships I have. If leaving the dishes in the sink means extra snuggles with my husband, than that’s whats important. If making the bed takes up the time that I would be having my devotions, then the devotions are more important.

Being superwoman is not what really matters. Most days I don’t have it all together, but that doesn’t mean that I’m worthless. It just means that I’m learning and growing. Loving those around me impacts eternity and should come first.

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