Sad No More

Happy Independence Day! This also happens to be the first major holiday of married life, which is pretty cool! Yesterday, we spent the afternoon running errands. We planned on using a giftcard we got for our wedding, but the wait was going to be forever, so we got a milkshake and went to dinner at a small Thai restaurant close to our apartment instead. It was a lovely low key evening.

Before we went to sleep we were talking and my sweet husband brought something up that led to some interesting self/couple reflection. Earlier that day he was reading through one of my journals and noticed something. Many of the journal entries had a sad undertone. The content wasn’t necessarily sad, but he said that he could sense sadness. This led us to a conversation about why that was, and here’s what we decided:

In the last couple of years we went though some pretty hard things. Moving, being separated, college, wedding planning, etc, and as a coping method, I put up walls and barriers and became a little bit callused to avoid the pain.

We’ve known that for a while now, but the catch is that I don’t have to be sad anymore. The hard things, for now, are over. There is no reason to be putting up walls and trying to avoid pain when there isn’t pain. We are married now. We are a team. I don’t have to face these things alone anymore. We can be happy. And, yeah, things are going to get hard, and who knows what all we will face in the years ahead, but what do know is that God is faithful and everything that He does has a reason and a purpose.

Throughout the last 3 years there have been lots of things that we didn’t understand. Lots of things seemed unfair or hard or even impossible. But those times were also good. They taught us a lot of things about life, relationships, and even things we didn’t know about ourselves. We grew a lot and learned a lot and depended on God a lot. There were lots of days that seemed like it was too hard to keep going. There were days when I messed up and was just plain tired. Without realizing it I had begun to allow those things to put a filter over everything else.

It was time to let go of the heartache and sadness. So i did. Mentally. A few random tears and a couple hugs later i felt much much lighter. As we lay in bed, it felt like i had to have a factory reset of the all the things that my sweet husband had told me/promised. So I asked ridiculous,silly,questions about his love and faithfulness and he patiently answered everyone of them-with only a couple of smart-allec responses. He’s pretty great.

Im very blessed to have married a man that shows me patient, unconditional love. He often reminds me of Who it is that we actually serve. He reminds me of the ways that God has provided in the past and convinces me that God is never going to quit being in control and providing exactly what we need.

So, as I sit here tonight, I think about the ways in which God has faithfully been there through the tears and through the sunshine. He has been there in the dark and in the light. He has never fallen asleep or left us to fend for ourselves. So as we dream and imagine what the future holds, we can confidently say that God’s got this and He’s not going anywhere.

 

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Milkshake with my sweetheart!

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